tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC September 5, 2016 11:35pm-12:38am PDT
from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- zooey deschanel. ben stein. and music from glass animals. and now, don't move -- here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: welcome. very kind. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thanks for watching. thanks to all of you for coming. i appreciate it. i hope i don't disappoint anybody. i'm a little bit off my game tonight. we're potty training my daughter.
she's 25, she's very slow. [ laughter ] my other daughter. she's 2 years old. her name is jane. jane has decided she will only sit on the potty and go if it is on the trampoline in our backyard. [ laughter ] so needless to say i'm exhausted. anyway. i feel like this might be some kind of carlic payback for the man show on the trampoline. years from now when my daughter is old enough to vote and i will have to explain this election to her, i feel she won't believe it. we are less than 70 days away from deciding who our next president will be. on september 26th donald trump and hillary clinton will face off in a debate at hofstra university. this is interesting. the clinton campaign is using psychology experts to create a personality profile of trump to figure out what his approach might be. which i don't know, are they preparing for a debate or trying to catch the zodiac killer? [ laughter ] hillary clinton said, i'm not taking anything for granted, i don't know which donald trump will show up. she's right, it could be the donald trump we see on cable news, could be the donald trump
we see at these rallies, it could be donald trump jr. technically still a donald trump. hillary's plan is reportedly to try to bait trump into saying something that will get him into trouble. they're said to believe he's most insecure about his intelligence, his net worth, and his image as a successful businessman. which that seems obvious. in fact, i don't think they need to do a personality profile at all. if you want insight into donald trump, he's more than happy to tell you everything you need to know about him. >> donald trump is maybe the best interview there is. putin did call me a genius. the doctor said, man, you have the blood pressure of a great great athlete who's 20 years old. i'm really rich. i think i am actually humble, i think i'm much more humble than you would understand. nobody builds walls bigger than me. believe me. i write the biggest ovations. society loves me. i went to an ivy league school. i'm very highly educated. i know words. i have the best words. i'm one of the smartest people in the world. it's true. he referred to my hands, if they're small, something else must be small. i guarantee you there's no problem. i guarantee you.
>> jimmy: then release the evidence! [ cheers and applause ] >> dave: seems like he might be too shy to be our president. unfortunately not everyone is as passionate about donald trump as donald trump himself is. according to a new poll 54% of republican voters don't believe trump was the best choice to be their party's nominee for president, they wished they'd picked someone else. kind of like when you go to buy a shirt. you look around. you see all these shirts, plain patterns, regular shirts. maybe a shirt with pinstripes. they look okay but not exciting. then tucked in the middle of all these plain shirts you see this totally awesome shirt. it's bold. it's different. it doesn't play by the other shirts' rules. you think about what a killer you'd feel like going out with this shirt on. you buy it, you get home, you go in your closet or wherever. you try the shirt on. and you look at yourself in the mirror.
and then your wife walks in and says -- >> what the hell are you wearing? >> jimmy: and then you realize you look like a tool with a big capital "t." [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: but fortunately, the store you bought it from has a great return policy. oh, wait, no it doesn't. this is the shirt you're stuck with for four years. that's how the two-party system works. would anyone like to buy a shirt very cheap? [ cheers and applause ] that's going to look great on you. please slip that on because i would love to see that as i do the rest of the show. yeah, thank you, yeah. there you go, all right. meanwhile there's a major arrest in west palm beach, florida, yesterday. the ramifications of which are now being felt all around the world. >> vladimir putin is in the palm beach county jail. it's this man who also apparently shares the same name with the russian leader.
putin was arrested august 21st at the public store in city place. police say he kept going into the store to yell at customers. putin is charged with trespassing. >> jimmy: maybe that's the putin trump has been talking about all this time. [ laughter ] wow, what are the odds that guy would live in florida with that name, huh? hey, this is something parents and students should be aware of now that it's back to school time. researchers at the university of nevada found that students are more likely to pay attention if their teacher is attractive. this is based on a study conducted by van halen back in 1984. [ laughter ] students will pay more attention to good-looking teachers. unless they're home schooled, then it doesn't really apply. it's interesting and it makes sense. already some private institutions are adapting to attract more prospective students to their schools. >> looking to advance your career with a specialized degree? [ narrated in a sexy female voice ] the whispers institute of technology features the most attractive professors. whatever you're into, there's a
class for you. corporate accounting. occupational therapy. computer network administration. and much, much more. need an extra hand? our private booths give you one-on-one access to every inch of our professors' knowledge. whispers institute of technology. >> located on route 9 in hoboken across from joann fabrics. i'll be waiting for you. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: before you, i had him, guillermo. >> guillermo: yeah, i know. >> jimmy: abc this morning unveiled the new cast of "dancing with the stars." it's season 23 and it is quite a lineup. >> monday, september 12th, "dancing's" back. and america, you've never seen a cast of stars like this. laurie hernandez. megatron. baby face. this white lady. kanye's ex-girlfriend. rick perry. young richard greico. your hottest aunt.
didn't we see her already? vanilla ice. this guy. marilu henner. and that dumb-ass swimmer. "dancing with the stars" live on abc. we're still doing this. >> jimmy: yeah, i'm looking forward to the swimmer. [ cheers and applause ] ryan lochte was the big surprise. this is part of his plea agreement, i guess. to me the big shocker is how did it take 23 seasons to get vanilla ice to do the show? [ laughter ] shouldn't that have happened in 2004? vanilla ice has a dilemma on his hands. of course he's going to dance to "ice ice baby." you don't want to do this the first episode, you blow your wad. but if you wait too long, you might get eliminated because you're vanilla ice. but i bet he's going to do well. he can dance. i love this lineup. between the election and "dancing with the stars," the american people are now going to get two chances to not vote for rick perry in one year. [ laughter ]
[ cheers and applause ] they made that announcement on "good morning america." most people have little to no idea what's really going on in the world. so this afternoon we went on the street, asked people how they thought donald trump did on "dancing with the stars" last night. obviously donald trump wasn't on "dancing with the stars" last night. new season doesn't start until september 12th. did that prevent people from giving their takes on trump's imaginary performance? absolutely not. in tonight's "dancing with the donald edition of lie witness news." >> what did you think of donald trump dancing the cha cha last night on "dancing with the stars"? >> i thought it was really funny. i don't know if he's that great of a dancer. >> what was wrong about it? >> he tried. it's all right. he came out for it. he did a good job, i guess. >> as you know, donald trump made that crazy appearance on "dancing with the stars" last night. >> yeah. >> are your friends on twitter and facebook going crazy over it? >> yeah, there's a twitter beef about it. it's been pretty chaotic. >> what did you think about that
moment during "dancing with the stars" when donald trump's wig fell off? was that crazy? >> it was hilarious. you know. it was pretty funny. >> what was going through your mind when you saw that? >> he needs to get a new one. >> what did you think about how emotional scott baio got in the audience when he cried? did your heart go out to him? >> yeah, it did. >> describe that moment when he was crying with the one tear. >> seeing him emotional, that kind of got me. it's like, oh my goodness. he's actually really sad about this. >> how do you think donald trump breaking through the wall at the end speaks to his stance on immigration? >> actually, he wanted to build the wall between canada and the states, right? and i think it's kind of funny that he ended up doing that, i guess. >> mexico. between mexico and the states. >> oh. right. >> right. so what did you think about donald trump dancing with hillary clinton at the emmys? were you surprised by their partnership? >> yeah, i was, very surprised. >> did she seem she was doing it reluctantly? >> yes, very much so. >> when he spun her hard do you think he was trying to make her
fall? >> i'd like to give him the benefit of the doubt and say no. but again -- it could be -- most likely it was. >> what did you think of donald trump spinning hillary clinton so violently during their tango when she came on? >> i saw it coming. i could feel the tension of the elections so i wasn't really that surprised, honestly. i felt the energy. i felt it was going to happen. >> dave: what was your reaction to seeing him drop her during that dip? >> oh my god, i was so surprised to see that, i could not believe that. hopefully she's okay. hopefully it's not, you know -- hopefully she'll heal for the elections. we'll see. i hope for the best, you know? >> do you want to wish hillary clinton a speedy recovery from being dropped by donald trump? >> hillary clinton, i hope you recover really quick and i hope bill takes good care of you. yeah, you know. go, women. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we're going to take a break.
last week, i saw a clip, a great clip on facebook. maybe you saw this. a group of singers gathered around a goat making up a song about the goat. watch this. ♪ ♪ ooh whose billy goat is this ♪ ooh whose billy goat is this ♪ ooh whose billy goat is this ♪ ooh whose billy goat is this ♪ ooh whose billy goat is this ♪ baa baa baa ♪ ooh whose billy goat is this [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: so the guys are a band. in fact, they've been on our show. that was anthony hamilton and the hamiltones. when we come back, anthony and
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>> jimmy: hi, there. we are back. welcome back. zooey deschanel, ben stein, and music from glass animals is on the way. before the break i showed you a video i saw on facebook of a group of singers performing an impromptu song around a billy goat. the song's been stuck in my head ever since. the video has about 7 million views on facebook. we reached out to anthony hamilton and the hamiltones and they came from north carolina to be with us tonight. please welcome anthony hamilton and the hamiltones. ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
>> jimmy: good to see you, how are you doing? how are you? so i guess, first of all, where were you singing? where were you when the goat was there? what was that? >> indianapolis. >> jimmy: that was just -- you were in -- >> at a festival. >> jimmy: okay, all right. it was at a goat festival? what kind of festival? >> state fair. >> jimmy: state fair, that makes sense. did you ever find out whose billy goat it was? >> still a mystery. >> jimmy: wow, okay. we have a fun idea. if we surprised you with a series of animals. you guys have not seen, not heard any of the animals, you've not seen, you don't know what animals you're going to see. >> we don't know what you've got. >> jimmy: we're going to surprise you with animals. gather round the animals and sing to them similar to how you did it with the goat. and then i think it will be fun. you want to do it? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: please bring out animal number one.
there's animal number one. all right. you've seen these before, right? >> yeah. >> jimmy: that's a good-looking one. i'm not going to say what it is. i'll let you guys figure out how you're going to approach this. ♪ ooh ooh whose bunny rabbit is this ♪ ♪ ooh ooh whose bunny rabbit is this ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ tell me ooh ooh whose bunny rabbit is this ♪ what's happening? ♪ ooh whose bunny rabbit is this ♪ >> jimmy: well done. beautiful. [ cheers and applause ] did you like it? all right. step over here. we've got another animal for you. equally adorable. maybe even more adorable. i'll let you guys figure out what that is. >> chicky bird. >> i think it's a chickie bird.
>> jimmy: all right. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ooh ooh whose chicky bird is this ♪ ♪ ooh whose chicky bird is this ♪ oh! >> wow! >> making a run for it! >> jimmy: oh, no. now we're in a lot of trouble. look at this. well, wow. this one's wearing a hat. >> hm. >> jimmy: that's like one of woody's hats from "toy story." >> whose hat is that? >> jimmy: do you want to think about it for a second? >> iguana? ♪ little lizard >> a sunny dragon? ♪ a little lizard funny little lizard ♪ ♪ a little lizard funny little lizard ♪ ♪ whose lizard funny little
lizard ♪ ♪ little lizard funny little lizard ♪ >> jimmy: wow, well done. [ cheers and applause ] all right, all right. we've got two more. you ever seen one of these? >> that's strange. >> please don't jump. i promise i will pass out. smooth pass out. >> jimmy: this one just got back from the olympics. he's running laps. yeah, yeah. >> i believe it is. >> jimmy: what that is one? ♪ ooh ooh whose armadillo is this ♪ ♪ ooh ooh whose armadillo is this ♪ come on baby ♪ ooh ooh whose armadillo is this ♪
i want to know i want to know ♪ ooh whose armadillo is this ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: very well done. that's crazy-looking. we have one more. one more animal. it's been going great so far. and finally -- >> oh-oh. >> jimmy: look how cute that little guy is. you see what we have there? >> pokemon. >> sticky back. >> jimmy: what that is? a sticky back? >> sticky back. >> jimmy: all right. ♪ ooh ooh whose sticky back is this ♪ ♪ ooh ooh whose sticky back is this ♪ ♪ ooh ooh whose sticky back is this ♪ >> jimmy: wow, how about that. ♪ ooh ooh whose sticky back is this ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
>> jimmy: that's anthony hamilton and the hamiltones. their latest album is called "what up billy?" thanks for coming out and doing that, guys. the animals thank you as well. tonight on the show we have music from glass animals, ben stein is here, we'll be right back with zooey deschanel so stick around! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ justice is spelled b-o-x.
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♪ >> jimmy: hi, welcome back. tonight on the show my former cohost from comedy central, one of the world's most fascinating men, ben stein is with us. then later, they came all the way from oxford, england, their new album is called "how to be a human being," glass animals from the samsung outdoor stage. a lot of excitement about glass animals. tomorrow night, aaron eckhart
will be here, cat deeley will join us, and we'll have music from nathaniel rateliff and the night sweats. and thursday, winona ryder, casey wilson, and music from yg. so please join us for both those shows. since she was here last, our first guest got married and gave birth to a baby girl. the season premiere of her show "new girl," which she directed, arrives september 20th on fox. please say hello to zooey deschanel. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: how are you? >> good. are these new chairs? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: no. are they uncomfortable? >> this is a very warm welcome. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. well, you know. they're excited. >> are these new chairs? >> jimmy: no, i think they're the same chairs. >> really? it feels very throne-like. >> jimmy: do they feel uncomfortable? >> no, i just feel like --
almost like my legs don't even touch the ground. >> jimmy: we like to humiliate our guests. that's part the thing. that is weird. your legs almost don't touch the ground. oh, cute shoes. >> oh, thanks. >> jimmy: you by the way -- does your daughter like your shoes? little girls love sparkly shoes? >> she hasn't seen them. i borrowed them. if she had, she would try to steal them. >> jimmy: she would. she's a little over 1 year old? >> yeah. >> jimmy: enjoying her? >> she's the best. she's so much fun. my husband taught her how to say cheese. just because she likes cheese. and this morning i went in and it's still dark in her room. she's wearing her little jammies and her sleep sack. and she goes, more. cheese, cheese. i'm like, you didn't even have cheese and you want more? we're beginning this already? >> jimmy: is that one of her first words, cheese? >> yeah. >> jimmy: really? wow. >> she said bubble. she said bubba. >> jimmy: mama, dada?
>> mama, dada, yeah. >> jimmy: mama, dada, cheese that's all you need to know. >> yes. nana too. >> jimmy: she does? >> like when she's ready to go. night night. >> jimmy: do you want to bring home a baby animal for her? we have a whole bunch of them backstage. >> yes, but -- i don't want to take home an armadillo. >> jimmy: why not? >> because they can spread leprosy. >> jimmy: they can, what? >> you didn't touch one? >> jimmy: i licked one. what are you talking about? [ laughter ] >> they are the only creature other than humans that carry the leprosy virus. so don't hug it. >> jimmy: it's weird. we did get that one from a leper colony. [ laughter ] i didn't know that about armadillos. >> i was like, oh! nobody touch that thing. >> jimmy: yeah we probably -- >> i'm sure it's fine. >> jimmy: did you have a big birthday party, a 1st birthday party for your daughter? >> not really. i did make her a little cake. >> jimmy: okay. >> i made her a little heart-shaped cake that didn't have sugar.
i put banana, mashed banana in it. >> jimmy: oh, no. really? >> she's so little. >> jimmy: yeah. >> there's a lot of sugar in cake. then i whipped up some coconut cream and put it on top. looked like a cupcake. and i kept seeing like on the internet like smash cake, smash cake, make a smash cake for your 1-year-old. i'm like, i'm making this cake just so she can smash it. so we're like, all right! here's your cake! happy birthday! and she goes -- like not at all interested. >> jimmy: oh, really. >> no smashing. like -- once i like cut up a little -- she had a little bit of it but she was not -- >> jimmy: they're smart, they know they're being cheated. >> give her a cheese cake or something. >> jimmy: are you planning to never give her sugar? >> she'll have sugar eventually. i just kind of want to put it off. it makes them crazy. she had a baked apple the other
day and she was like, aahhh! like she's really -- >> jimmy: are you a strict parent? do you have a lot of rules that you follow? >> she's so little. i don't. but i keep a close eye on her. >> jimmy: were your parents strict parents? >> well, they had a lot of rules. >> jimmy: what were your parents' main rules? i'm sure they had more than a couple. >> they restricted our television. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. >> and we had -- we didn't have cable, which most people had cable. >> jimmy: we didn't have it either. >> we didn't have cable, and so we only could -- there were like five channels. and my mom would always find me watching cooking shows on pbs. because -- >> jimmy: is that where you learned to make that crappy cake for your daughter? >> exactly, that's where i learned to make the crappy cake yeah. for some reason i loved watching cooking shows. i like watching people cook. >> jimmy: it's funny, your parents were restricting you
from watching that, now we have hard-core pornography to keep our children away from. >> my parents are like, what is this julia child! turn this off! >> jimmy: melt your brain! >> my baby takes the phone and like -- she steals my phone. >> jimmy: she likes it, yeah, ours does too. >> i don't want her to be doing that but she'll like take the phone and it's hilarious. >> jimmy: right, yeah. >> she sees i'm interested in it so she wants it. >> jimmy: exactly. it glows and it looks like a toy. and you can hand them a piece of toast and they'll talk into it, it doesn't matter. but when it's that special little thing -- >> she knows when you have a phone you go, hello? she'll be like, he-yoo? >> jimmy: kids know a lot of stuff that we can't really explain. >> i know. >> jimmy: mine calls gambling websites, is that normal? [ laughter ] >> i think so are it's natural. >> jimmy: we'll talk about "new girl." you directed an episode, the first episode of the season. zooey deschanel is with us. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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philips sonicare. to prove how authentic my new brewhouse bacon burger is i'm going undercover, at an actual brewhouse. it's awesome. amazing! what if i told you, you are eating a jack's brewhouse bacon burger from jack in the box. not this one. absolutely lying. and what if i told you... that i'm jack. whaaaat?!! no way! no! didn't see that coming, did you? porter ale cheese sauce, grilled onions, and bacon on a artisan potato bun. jack's new brewhouse bacon burger, new from jack in the box. hey, where did jack go? he was just here. >> jimmy: we're back with zooey deschanel, ben stein. i mentioned before the break -- is it the first time you've directed something? >> i directed a music video a few years ago. yeah, so this is my first episode.
>> jimmy: you have to tell your co-workers what to do. if you thought they need another take. did they react well? treat you with respect? >> yeah, everyone was great. it was a good experience. the only thing was that jake johnson's doing a movie with tom cruise in -- where is he? england? maybe morocco or something. >> jimmy: hold on, let's call him. >> let's just call him, yeah. and so he was gone. but he's written into the episode. so we had to shoot all the stuff around him. >> jimmy: do you think he did this to sabotage you? >> probably. >> jimmy: because maybe he's thinking of directing an episode? >> right, he already did direct one last year. >> jimmy: he is sabotaging you, absolutely. >> the whole thing was probably. >> jimmy: did you disappear to shoot a movie with tom cruise while he was doing that? >> no, but i was on maternity leave. >> jimmy: okay, yeah, you did that. revenge what is this was. >> that's what it is. >> jimmy: it's a dish best served cold. >> 'tis true, 'tis true.
>> jimmy: i heard there's going to be a crossover of your show, "new girl," and "brooklyn 99." >> yeah. >> jimmy: i love that, i wish they did that more. when i was a kid, when fonzie and ritchie would show up on "laverne and shirley." >> such an '80s thing to do. >> jimmy: it is an '80s thing to do. >> awesome. i know, yeah. i shot my part of the "brooklyn 99" episode, then we're going to shoot our part of it next week. >> jimmy: so it will be -- they will be on your show? andy will be on yours, you will be on his? >> exactly. >> jimmy: it's a double cross-over? >> a double cross-over, yeah. we have basically -- the cast of "new girl" goes to new york, because schmitt's getting an award from his high school. >> jimmy: i see. >> and that's how we end up in -- >> jimmy: jail? >> i didn't end up in jail. >> jimmy: okay, all right. >> we end up in the midst of -- >> jimmy: i love that. i applaud you for bringing back that conceit. i haven't seen that in quite a while. >> it was all my idea. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: the closest we get to it --
>> fox is like, you're doing a cross-over, okay. >> jimmy: somebody from "the bachelor" winds up in "bachelor on paradise." it's like, oh, look, they came back. yeah. we don't have anything good like that. it's very good to see you. >> good to see you. >> jimmy: congratulations on the baby. [ cheers and applause ] congratulations on the show. "new girl," season premiere september 20th on fox. zooey deschanel. be right back with ben stein! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ when it comes to healthcare, seconds can mean the difference between life and death. for partners in health, time is life. we have 18,000 people around the world. the microsoft cloud helps our entire staff stay connected and work together in real time to help those that need it. the ability to collaborate changes how we work. what we do together changes how we live.
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♪ >> jimmy: welcome back. still to come, music from glass animals. our next guest is an author, lawyer, economist, political pundit, game show host, teacher and bueller-er who graciously allowed me to appear on tv with him back in 1997. please say hello to ben stein! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: how are you doing?
>> it's an honor to be here. >> jimmy: it's an honor to have you here. >> an honor to be here. >> jimmy: i know you watch the show regularly. >> very. i e-mail you all night long sending you notes about it. >> jimmy: i'm always up. >> that's the amazing thing, like a vampire, you never sleep. >> jimmy: we met -- i can't believe we met almost 20 years ago. >> yes. >> jimmy: unbelievable. >> at a rehearsal in burbank. >> jimmy: that's right. >> they brought you in to be the first person to be the cohost and we said, don't bother bringing in anyone else. >> jimmy: that is true, that worked out like that. >> it was just incredible. >> jimmy: you and i fell in love almost immediately. >> it was amazing. you were so f'ing funny from the get-go, it was a joke. nobody else could even remotely -- >> jimmy: well, we didn't bother to see if anyone else could, which was fortunate for me. >> yes. when your cousin came on. >> jimmy: cousin sal. >> he was wonderful. >> jimmy: probably the funniest person i know. >> he is a genius. >> jimmy: for those who have not seen the show, guillermo, have
you ever seen "win ben stein's money," the show we did together? >> guillermo: no, no. >> jimmy: never saw it? offensive in a way. it's why donald trump wants to throw you over the wall. i prepared a clip to give you a stroll down memory lane. >> good, good, good. >> jimmy, what are my shoes doing there? >> your shoes are here because we're playing strip ben stein of clothes and this is all that you managed to get off him. i was thinking that if bob should beat you, perhaps you'd drop your pants. >> no, i won't. [ cheers and applause ] >> and bob. that jimmy. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: a lot of class. there's so much sexual tension between us. why didn't we ever consummate that? >> well, those are the days when there was a lot of discrimination in that world. >> jimmy: oh, yeah, you're right. >> if we met now we'd probably be married.
[ laughter ] >> jimmy: i saw you in "the wall street journal." a week, week and a half ago. they did a story on people who own a lot of homes. >> yes. >> jimmy: you were featured. how many homes do you own? >> 13 and a lot in malibu. >> jimmy: 13 and a lot? >> an ocean view lot. >> jimmy: in three different cities? >> in sandpoint, idaho. washington, d.c. beverly hills, california. west hollywood. and rancho mirage. >> jimmy: you don't rent any of them out? >> no. >> jimmy: why do you have so many houses? >> i like the change of scenery. i inherited one -- two at the watergate. inherited one from my parents, bought my sister out. somebody showed me a nice one there and i bought that for art's sake. [ laughter ] we live in the summer in sandpoint, idaho, the most beautiful town in the world. and i was afraid i might have noisy neighbors so i bought all the ones around mine. [ laughter ] we bought in beverly hills because my wife always wanted to live in beverly hills. we bought in malibu because i love malibu. we bought the lot across the
street so nobody could build a house there, trap our dogs and eat them. >> jimmy: i see. >> we bought in west hollywood to use as an office and a neighbor made noise so i bought his apartment. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: this is one of your houses. first of all it's beautiful. >> god bless you. >> jimmy: why do you have a tv from 1995? with all these houses, ben. >> i don't know how to use the new ones. >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> it's funny. because i had a guest over. she said, i love all your retro stuff. where do you get all this retro stuff? and i said, that's what i bought and never replaced. by the way, i don't know how to use that one very well. >> jimmy: you'll figure it out. i don't think it even gets the right signal anymore. >> probably doesn't. >> jimmy: people don't know you were a speechwriter for president nixon. >> right. >> jimmy: what year was that? >> i was a speechwriter for nixon '73, '74. my big event at the nixon white house was '70. when my father was chairman of the council of economic advisers and had me over for lunch. my father whispered to me, would
you know elvis presley if you saw him? and i said, of course. he said, he's sitting right behind you. this was at the white house -- high-level white house appointees. i said, you've got to be kidding. he said, turn around. i turned around and there was elvis presley having lunch with bob haldeman, chief of staff. >> jimmy: the famous incident where elvis showed up at the white house unannounced? >> yes. and i got up and i said, mr. presley, everyone in the world is your fan but i'm your biggest fan. and he said, "thank-uh very much." [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's how you do it. that was -- actually, very famous photograph came out of that day. i don't know if people have seen that. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: the president, elvis and ben. the three amigos as you were called back then. what do you think of donald trump? you're a life-long republican. this obviously -- we've seen some things we've never seen before during this election process. >> it's been hell. >> jimmy: are you excited about donald?
>> it's hell. it's just unbelievable. because i'm not a fan of trump at all. i think he's -- there's something wrong with him. >> jimmy: okay. [ cheers and applause ] >> i went to law school with mrs. clinton and i wear the yale law school tie to show -- >> jimmy: did you know her in law school? >> just to say hello in the hall. in the merest possible way. >> jimmy: did you ever try to woo her? >> oh, god, are you kidding? no, i was then and still am married to the most beautiful woman in the world. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you were married in law school, i didn't realize that, wow. >> to the world's most wonderful human. she was just a quiet little first-year. i was a big student radical working with the black panthers. >> that is true. i know people think that's a joke but it's true. what were you doing with them, doing their taxes? what were you doing? [ laughter ] >> i can't even do my own taxes. we were raising funds for what was supposed to be their free breakfast program for poor children in a neighborhood
called the hill in new haven. but it turned out they were actually using the money to buy guns. [ laughter ] it was the scariest mistake. >> jimmy: as long as it was a practical thing. >> no, but i'm not -- i should say i am not a fan of mrs. clinton at all and it breaks my heart that the two nominees are who they are. i like lindsey graham from south carolina. >> jimmy: but he's out. >> i know. he hardly got any votes at all. >> jimmy: if donald trump asks you to be in his cabinet will you consider it, if he wins? >> no. >> jimmy: you will not. >> i don't like getting up early in the morning for one thing. >> jimmy: all right. >> i've been in many, many cabinet meetings and they're incredibly boring. >> jimmy: okay. >> incredibly boring, not entertaining at all. much, much, much more fun to be home playing with my dogs. >> jimmy: all right. it's very, very good to see you as always. >> god bless you. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you know i love you. ben stein, everybody. be right back with glass animals! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> dicky: the jimmy kimmel live concert series is presented by
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♪ ♪ daddy was dumb said that i'd be something special brought me up tough ♪ ♪ but i was a gentle human said that he loved each of my two million freckles when i grew up was ♪ ♪ gonna be a super star i can't get a job so i live with my mom i take her money ♪ ♪ but not quite enough i sit in the car and i listen to static she said i look fat ♪ ♪ but i look fantastic cut back down to my knees gotta get back gotta get free ♪ ♪ cut back down to my knees lean back now lean back and breathe cut back down to my knees ♪ ♪ gotta get back gotta get free cut back down to my knees lean back now ♪ ♪ lean back and breathe ♪ ♪
♪ i'm waking up lost in boxes outside tesco look like a bum sipping codeine coca cola ♪ ♪ thought that i was northern camden's own flash gordon sonic ray gun ♪ ♪ gonna be a super star i can't get a job so i live with my mom i take her money but ♪ ♪ not quite enough i make my own fun in grandmama's basement said i look mad ♪ ♪ she said i look wasted cut back down to my knees gotta get back gotta get free ♪ ♪ cut back down to my knees lean back now lean back and breathe cut back down to my ♪ ♪ knees gotta get back gotta get free cut back down to my knees lean back now ♪ ♪ lean back and breathe ♪ ♪
this is a special edition of "nightline." tonight, diane sawyer takes us into a hidden america. deep inside the most notorious jail complex in the country. a dangerous purgatory for the officers and the inmates. >> if you can survive rikers island you can survive anything. >> a place known for its brutality. those videos from the past. is it possible to change this infamous place? and the one man with the plan to change it all. "inside rikers island" is seconds away.